Amanda Diekman: Lowering Parental Demands to Increase Connection and Calm

This week, we share Rachel’s interview with Amanda Diekman! Amanda (@lowdemandamanda)is an autistic adult and parent of three neurodivergent children who advocates for a shift away from traditional parenting models that prioritize control and demands. She suggests that accommodating children's needs and reducing expectations can foster better emotional connections. The interview underscores the significance of empathy, patience, and the need for adults to reflect on their own emotional responses to better support children in navigating their challenges!

 

Before the interview, Rachel and Chris discuss some recent work that Rachel is doing on a yet-to-be-released update of her course, AAC Ally!  Rachel shares that, since the previous version of AAC Ally focused more on assessment, the new version of AAC Ally will focus more on implementation and treatment. Rachel suggests that you sign up for her newsletter at rachelmadel.com/optin to receive updates on when the updated AAC Ally releases!

 

Key Ideas this Episode:

 

Radical Acceptance and Safety: Amanda emphasizes the importance of creating a sense of safety in children by aligning expectations with their capabilities. This involves understanding and accepting children as they are, without imposing overwhelming demands that trigger stress and make them feel unsafe.

 

Non-Verbal Communication and Co-Regulation: Amanda explains that much of the communication with children, especially neurodivergent ones, can be non-verbal. Parents and caregivers should rely on their own nervous systems to co-regulate, recognizing distress signals and providing calm and connection to bring children back to a state of safety.

 

Letting Go of Control: A major aspect of low-demand parenting is learning to release control and lower demands when children are overwhelmed. Rather than doubling down on rules or consequences, Amanda advocates for letting go of unrealistic expectations in the moment to restore emotional safety and connection.

 

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